Assalamualaikum.
I think too much. Well overthinking about what people said is absolutely too much. Stresses and worries in life are exactly like this. Think about something for a moment and nothing happens. Keep thinking about it and it hurts. Become obsessed about it and you'll be incapable of doing anything.
“You never take chances.” one of my friend concluded about me when I asked her to evaluate me .
I’m not a risk taker, I knew, I realized. Everything that I have done is on the basis of being safe, and of sparing myself from any idea of failure. I am the woman who sits and wait for things to fall on her lap. I am that person who resists change.
The signs couldn’t be more obvious. I insisted on settling down in the same apartment when my housemates suggested us to move out, its because I didn’t want to have to start over in a different place, with different people and a different grocery store and lots of different-different things. I used the same mobile phone casing since the first time I bought my phone until it turned into ugly-stained with maker pen and all sorts of it.I will never buy the new one until I think that I really really need it. Not that kedekut but its just that I dont really think I need to change it. I dont feel the necessities. I never show my true emotions unless I’m 100% sure that my vulnerability will not be screwed over. I kept wearing the same backpack when traveling even when it’s so aged that one of the handles is longer than the other, because well, what if I don’t like the new one as much? I can’t seem to be crossing the line to the next phase of my life, because I see it as a cliff – if I jump I might never be able to come back.
I don’t take enough chances in life. What’s the cause of this? Possibly through years of experiencing or witnessing other people take that leap, only to crash and burn. It is an ugly scar that reminds me of the mess I’ll have to clean up if it didn’t work out. It is the fear of things not turning up the way I’d hoped them to be that stops me in my tracks.
But if I don’t take chances… well I’d imagine that life would be quite dull. I’ll carry on being exactly like I am right now, forever. I’m not saying right now isn’t great. But I have a feeling if things are still same ten years from today, I’ll be so bored with everything that I’ll eventually join some kind of community chess club. And nobody wants to end up there. That’s plateau-life territory.
So I guess I’ll try to take a bit of a risk. Let’s start with having a bread with chicken instead of the usual egg tomorrow morning. Heh!
